I am from India. I met a guy for arranged marriage, his looks are not that good, but it seems like he has a nice character. What should I do?
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Please, Wait for a good looking guy.
This poor guy deserves a better partner !
Vijay Sharma, Marriage counseling.trained professional worker
You decide as you have to live with him .If not happy please do not marry.
1.Spend alone time with him and spend group time with him.
2.See how he treats people who work for him or serve him .
3.See how he treats you in crowd or public versus at home
Looks fade, personality stays. If a man treats you like a queen , he’s the one.
Ankit Meswani, worked at Wipro
Go for it. All the good looking things are not the best. So if he is good by heart then go for it
Arun Ganwar, Software developer at Siemens (2010-present)
he thinks which fade with time should not be valued much. Over a period of time beauty will seems nothing to you. character will remain and will matter for rest of the life.
Asheesh Gupta, Indian
Falling for looks than character.
Guys have been making this mistake since the begng of the time(including me), since when girls started walking the similar path?
Anup Kumar, Learning is in progress
Hmm, that depends on you what you want, coz looks will fade for you and him in next 10 years or so ... So just to get likes on social media go for someone with good looks nd not character then its ur call ... It might make ur rest of life miserable. Im nt saying good looking guys dnt have good character and neither vise versa. But good character does matter as you are gonna live ur life with him and share everything with him ... So it should be a wise choice and temporary satisfaction.
Another thing is that you, after few weeks you will start liking him, sooner or later we all like things which we hate it in the begng. So choose wisely
Suraj B. Solanki, Indian firstly and lastly
It is all upto u.there are no specific standards.Don't make it complicated.You are mature enough to predict outcome of ur decision based on look or Character .My suggestion is that If you are taking looks as a measure of happy life then don't compgn about character to that guy.& if u r taking character as a measure of happy couple life then u should not argue about his looks.That is upto you what is best suitable for u.But main thing is don't argue after having a decision u have taken wisely.And for ur kind information i would like to tell u that IF u r from 'never satisfied' group than even combo of good looks and good charcater of a guy is not going to give u that satisfaction .so try to be realistic and take most suitable & open decision.
Goutham Patiyat, studied at St. Joseph's College of Arts and Science
You might be spending rest of your life with him. Have you known him enough? Have you evaluated enough?
Anybody can pretend to be good for a few days or months. Why don't you spend more time with him to let those testing months pass. You would be able to decide better.
RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE BRIDGED QUICKLY, BUILDING THEM NEEDS TIME.
Sharad Nirakara, Marriage problems solutions
If you get a guy of good character than better get married him even if he doesn't look smart because character is lost every thing is lost. If you get handsome but doesn't have good character than you life will be ruined. Life partner means one the person who holds hand during critical & odd conditions in sorrow. All people come forward only at joy time but real person will come & hold hands during sorrow time.
Mathi Surendran, former Has a blog which deals with marriage problems
If you have any doubts about your feelings about him, do not marry him. Are you too con trated on looks? You will make him unhappy when you make comments about his appearance.
How do you know he is a good person without really knowing him? Even in love marriages, couples are shocked to see the negative angle of their spouse which they never thought ested. So think twice before saying yes.
Phillip Michael Mpbule, I don't usually give marriage advice but when I do, nothing compares
There are two types of crushes and both of them are associated with how you see the other person.
The first one happens at first sight.
You see someone for the first time and you feel an attraction. This mostly happens to men.
The second one happens slowly.
For whatever reason, this person has your attention; in your case, arranged spouse. At first, you don't find that person attractive but as days go by you begin to see the beauty in them. You begin to love everything about them. NOW THIS IS LOVE!
I have had quite a few proposals from girls just for my looks.
In fact I absolutely hate it. It is second only to my compnt that girls look for money.
Whatever happened to character !!?
It is true that we guys also care about physical beauty of a girl. I have been wishing for a girl who is very pretty as well as one who has a good character. I have failed to find one like this. The pretty girls seem to be looking for money. I fear that girls still send interest only because of my looks. It is an absolute mess we have got ourselves into. Every relationship arranged or love marriage seems to be based on first impressions which is basically physical features.
Mahjabeen Fazel, Married to Mister Right-for-me for 2 years and going strong
Marry a guy who you would be proud to call the father of your children. Marriage is not like dating, where you can just et if things go wrong. That's why the choice of a spouse is one of the most important choices of your life.
Looks may fade, money may vanish but a good character will always remain.
You may look at him everyday, but you are not going to live with his looks - you are going to live with him [as a person]. If he has a good character, is logical and reasonable; all of this is way more important than extra-handsome looks, status and money.
Let me tell you a real in dent that happened to my cousin. They were looking for possible brides for him and one of them matched him perfectly.She was very beautiful and the family matched with my uncle's perfectly.
They had all the talks and then had an engagement.
2 weeks after the engagement,she eloped with another boy. This caused immense embarrassment for my uncle,but my cousin got affected very badly as he started to love her a lot. He started getting negative thoughts like he felt that he was such a loser that a girl who previously told her parents that she broke up with her boyfriend decided to elope than marrying him.
He refused marriage and didn't see any girls for the next years even though he went into the 30s. His parents were in a fix as they cannot force another girl. Finally,one of my other uncles who has a brash nature had a long talk with him and then showed another girl's profile.
She wasn't that beautiful,just average looks and my cousin married just to make his parents happy.
This happened 5 years ago,now they have 2 kids.His wife is a very active personality.She can make friends with a lamppost.She brings lot of joy wherever she goes. My cousin loves her so much.His life has never been happier.
Poonam Thakur, Lived in 3 countries, traveled to 12
If you can go past looks ( they are not deal breakers for you), then take some time to get to know this guy little more. Hopefully he is a mature guy but there are guys ( or even girls) who get into inferiority complex. They are always insecure about beauty of other person and as a result are not able to develop a trusting relationship.
Please do see carefully if he feels insecure or jealous of your beauty or the attention/confidence you get as a result. If that happens he may try to get you to dress in more conservative/ugly/non attention seeking clothing, pressurise you to cut down your social circle, prevent you from going to gatherings. Also notice, if he starts to buy more expensive dresses, using cosmetics, caring too much for his looks suddenly.
Most important aspect is that he is comfortable in his skin, likes you for your character and see you as a person with personality. It takes a very mature guy to be able to do that and this ability is not as common as you would want it to be.
P.S. - I am saying all this from my personal experience ( just that it was in case of a relationship not an arranged marriage scenario).
This is my story. I do not recommend that you do what I did but I would like to share my story.
I married a guy who I thought at first was not good looking at all.
Why did I marry him then?
My dad was really ill in 2009, he kept pestering me to get married. I was 23 then. I would not listen. I wanted to establish a good career, enjoy life and then settle down. He went through a very depressing state during his sickness, so I put him up for psychiatric evaluation. After the session was over the psychiatrist played the recordings from one of the therapy sessions. He literally cried telling he is worried that he would not make it and that he wanted to finish his duty as a father by getting me married. That's the only reason for him living in denial and his depression. I was deeply moved. I made up my mind that after he got discharged from the hospital I will get the photos and create a shaadi.com profile. Sad news. He didn't make it.
I cried day and night thinking I could have handled things differently.
So I made up mind to marry the fist guy who my mother saw for me.
So here comes the guy. Short and sort of bad looking with a lot of pimples.
He was very well settled and earned good money and lovely family and everything. I didn't even look at him when he came to see me at first, at parents' insistence we spent some time alone that's when I noticed he was not very good looking. But I said yes.
My family were not with my decision, they asked me to reconsider but I didn't. The only thing they told me was that if I decided, then I had to stick with it and live with it no matter what. It would not be fair to guy if I went ahead with the preparations and on the day of wedding I said 'NO' when the priest asks me 'Do you take this man to be your husband?'.
I was still determined I went ahead with it. I got married to him.
Wow! He is a wonderful person and he brings out the best in me. He is a nerd, he is smart, he plays the guitar, he is uptodate on current affairs. He challenges me in every way. We argue a lot. He cares for me he loves me. I love him very much. We connect at every level. And believe me, I really don't see any flaw in him now. He looks super smart to me now. If some girl looks at him I feel jealous. He looks cute in his own way and only I can see it. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Having said that, here are the things that I had to go through because I married him.
- Anywhere I go people point out to me that I'm way more good-looking than him in a totally offensive way. I don't care. I don't let it affect me or my husband.
- People are judgemental. These are the judgey comments I have heard over the time, 'she married him for the money, and he always listens to her because she is pretty' about me they say 'she is with him only for the money'. Both of us don't care. We both are strong and mature enough to handle such situations.
- My own friends ask me how I can look at his face every damn day. But only I know that I don't want a day to go bY without looking at him. To me there is no other better looking man.
Go for it only if you are strong enough to be OK with your decision.
You should be ready to accept him for the way he is. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
I feel like I'm the luckiest person alive.
All the best.
Edit: Response to people who think this is Bizarre (I have already mentioned that I do not recommend this to anyone. This is just my story and I am sharing it.)
It is a big risk to marry someone without knowing anything about him.
Also i don't recommend anyone to marry for any other reason than love.
The point of my story is not that beauty and looks are superficial things and what ahould matter is the person within. No not at all.
My point is that when you love someone enough, all the flaws will disappear and look perfect.
The things that mattered the most back then are the cutest things about him now. His slight pout, his bunny teeth, I have actually grown fond of them now. And those are the first things that come to my mind when I close my eyes now.
I used to think at first that I settled for him, that I compromised with his looks for his personality. It is not true at all. I have found my match and he is a dashing young man. Super cute. You just have to look at him through my eyes.
So I wanted to tell the OP that, my husband never changed his looks but the way I look at him has changed and that could happen with the OP too.
Vijay Mundle, Enjoying successful arranged married life since 2007
I would like to share one real life experience of one of my female friend from Pune in Maharashtra .
This girl was good looking and highly educated and working as architect in one private firm in Pune . Her family got proposal from one Diploma Civil Engineer guy who was having dark compleon and not looking good at all . My friend didn't like this proposal at all . For the sake of family , she decided to have a introductory program . The guy liked this girl and immediately he proposed her family to get wedlock .
My friend was completely in dilemma as she was not at all interested in that guy. Her family forced her to accept this proposal despite her denial . She called me and we had hour long discussion on this topic . she looked very disappointed and frustrated by decision of her family . Any how she decided to go ahead with decision as there was no other way left . She was the only daughter of her parent having no brother and sister .
Initially she was reluctant to talk with this guy. Guy was trying to having a matured and nice talk with her . He was very matured guy having high level of understanding of feelings of the persons . She bluntly told him that it will take time for me to love you as i am not getting any romantic feeling for you as i don't like you at all . This guy was having a great deal of patience and understanding . He continued his well mannered behavior with her despite her annoying and irritating behavior.
A day of engagement came , with heart full of sorrow , she got engaged with him . She posted her engagement photos on Facebook but not in single photo that guy was not there . She was feeling embarrassed and " what peoples will comment " prevented her from posting his photo . Many her facebook friend raise curiosity to know her better half but she kept mum .
Their conversation was very limited post engagement as she was not responding him properly with lame excuses . The guy even not got irritated and shown any frustration. He continued with his mature and nice behaviors by taking care of her feeling .
Slowly her heart started melting now with his nice behavior and matured talk . But still she was not happy with his looks and dark compleon .
They got married and again she posted her wedding photographs without his photo . Same questions by her friend and she kept mum .
Now she came his home with sorrow and painful heart . Now actually she was in his real contact and she observed this guy closely . She started loving him and even respecting him like anything .
After 2 years now , she is most happiest wife and proud to have a husband like him who is well mannered , caring and matured .
Moral : Beauty is not eternal but nice behavior last long.
Hopefully this real life story will help to take your decision .
Wishing you best of luck