Why Are More Chinese Women Choosing to Stay Single? Here is answer

为什么越来越多中国女性选择单身？

It has now become a social issue in China.

I explore real discussions and comments from Chinese social media to understand why some women choose not to marry, what they think about relationships and having children, and why their views often clash with their parents' expectations.

These voices don't represent every Chinese woman, but they offer a glimpse into changing attitudes toward marriage and family in China.

What about your country? Do single women in their 30s and 40s face similar pressure?

越来越多中国女性选择单身，在中国如今已经成为一个社会议题。

中国社交媒体上有关该问题的真实讨论与评论，以此了解部分中国女性不愿结婚的原因、她们对恋爱和生育的看法，以及为什么她们的想法常常和父母的期待产生冲突。

这些声音并不代表所有中国女性，但可以让我们窥见中国婚恋与家庭观念正在发生的变化。

一部分中国女性并非真的不想结婚，只是一直没有遇到契合的人。她们依旧向往爱情，但不愿意因为年龄大了而随便将就。还有一部分女性本身对婚姻兴趣很低，原生家庭的不愉快经历、从未体会恋爱的渴望、不懂得如何经营亲密关系，都让她们更习惯独处，把单身当成自己舒服的生活方式。

经济独立、生活充实的中国女性，也是单身群体里很常见的一类。她们有稳定工作、爱好丰富，本身已经能从家庭里获得情感支撑，相亲遇到不合适的人之后，便不再刻意强求感情，顺其自然。

还有不少中国女性对婚后生活充满顾虑。她们看到身边已婚朋友频繁被家务、育儿、双方家庭的琐事困扰，甚至争吵、离婚；很多婚姻里，额外的家庭责任大多压在女性身上，家务、照顾老人、抚养孩子的重担没法公平分担，婚后反而更疲惫。也有一些女性被高强度工作挤占全部精力，没有多余时间和动力去谈恋爱和结婚

以下是各国网友的评论：

lagerhound
The wrong partner is worse than being alone.

找错伴侣，还不如单身。

 

stevedodsley7092
I am single and happy that way. Some people don't realise that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I wouldn't rule out a relationship if there was a genuine connection, but I am happy not searching. I understand that there is a different pressure for ladies and particularly in China. Thank you for the content. Take care and stay safe

我单身，并且很享受现在的单身这种状态。很多人搞不懂，独处和孤单根本不是一回事。如果能遇到真心合拍的人，我也愿意谈恋爱，但我不会刻意去寻觅。我知道女性会承受不一样的压力，在中国尤其如此。

 

stevedodsley7092
Household tasks should be shared and men should care for their partners at all times, especially during illness. I Don't understand how some men don't see that a partnership is a team effort.

家务本该两个人一起分担，男方要一直体贴伴侣，对方生病的时候更要上心。我实在不理解，有些男人怎么就不明白，两个人在一起是搭档，要共同付出。

 

lynnmillerruiz1218
I love that you make daily life videos AND informational videos! It gives the world a clearer view of how the people of China live, love and work!
It’s a nice combination of topics! And the cherry on top of the sundae is your personality. You are not a woman complaining or romanticizing life in China. Love your channel!

太棒了，能让全世界更清楚地看到中国人怎么生活、怎么去爱、怎么工作！

 

lynnmillerruiz1218
I also think that young Asian women don’t realize that their parents have been saturated by their own parents about what is wrong or right. They were not taught that they could think outside of the box. Centuries have created this issue. Your generation are blazing the way to a more free way of living their lives.
Lynn from New York.

我是来自纽约的琳恩。我觉得，亚洲年轻女性往往没意识到，她们父母从小就被上一辈灌输一套固定的对错标准。没人教过他们可以跳出固有思维去思考。这种观念是历经几百年慢慢形成的。你们这一代人，正在开辟道路，去选择更自由的活法。

 

AB-yc7eg
That is an excellent point you brought up it would be so interesting to hear cross-section of men and what their attitude is toward marriage. And what they expect in a partner or wife. Here in America, we don't have the same traditions and feelings toward marriage that is steeped in Chinese culture.

你说得很有道理，如果能听听不同男性对婚姻的看法，以及他们对伴侣、妻子的期待，会很有意思。在美国，我们没有中国文化里那些根深蒂固的婚姻传统和观念。

 

gögïdööwï
In general is a happy feeling if u found someone in life to complete u or to become your family. Someone who
Loves u genuinely and understand u completely. But still being single is okayyyy and happy too and still enjoyable.

总的来说，如果这辈子能遇到一个互补同频的人一起组成家庭，是一件幸福的事。一个真心爱你、完全懂你的人。但单身也完全没问题，一样可以过得开心自在。

 

sofiafigueroa4590
Similar what happens around the world

现在世界各地都出现了这样的趋势

 

MiaMidol-b2d
This is a concept I have watched change across the world throughout my lifetime. Many western countries culture have evolved to the point where getting married is no longer mandatory and being unmarried is not looked down upon. Marriage is based around belief and has conditions attached (vows). Love is unconditional and it is possible to fall in love and fall out of love. Love is the only reason I would ever consider an intimate relationship. Many people do not become intimate for love but more so for desire and their relationship can be very short lived as they want something other than love. Your country is evolving and so will your culture. I admire your position on marriage and intimacy also wish you good fortune in meeting your person to love. I met mine at the age of 43 through online conversation and we live happily unmarried, we couldn't have children something we found out after getting together that we have accepted.

我这辈子，亲眼见证着全球婚恋观念的转变。很多西方国家的文化已经发展到这个阶段：结婚不再是必选项，单身也不会被人看不起。婚姻建立在约定之上，附带承诺（誓言）。而爱是无条件的，人会动心，也会不爱。只有爱，才会让我愿意开启一段亲密关系。很多人在一起不是因为爱，只是出于欲望，这种关系很难长久，他们想要的本就不是爱。你的国家在变化，文化也会跟着变。我很认同你对婚姻和亲密关系的看法，也祝你早日遇到心爱之人。我43岁网上认识另一半，我们没有领证，过得很幸福。在一起之后才知道没法生育，我们也接受了这件事。

 

KLiNG0N3
For me, as a man, it's quite simple: I'm not tall, I'm not athletic, and I'm not rich. Yes, I'm educated, kind, polite, and understanding. — But no woman has ever really been interested in me. So I have to live a lonely life. Over the years, you get used to it.

作为男人，我的情况很简单：我不高，身材一般，也没有钱。我有学历、性格温和、待人有礼、懂得体谅人。但是从来没有女生真心喜欢我。所以我只能一个人生活，时间久了，也就习惯了孤单。

 

AllenJordison
All those comments are so true in life. I think things change as the years go by. Trying to not make your life so busy you get tired. With that said, it would be nice to have a special person to go out and doing things. You are awesome. I enjoy you.

这些评论说的都是现实。我觉得人会随着时间慢慢改变。别把生活排得太满，累到自己。话虽如此，如果能有一个知心人相伴出门游玩，也很好。

 

gerenald
Sometimes I think people can be jealous of all the alone time single people get Nothing wrong with being alone and single if you are happy in life

有时候我觉得，不少人其实会羡慕单身的人拥有大把属于自己的时间。只要自己过得开心，单身独处一点问题都没有。

 

Faint_Chance
That was a very thorough explanation, Kobo. When I initially subscribed to your channel, I did notice that there were quite a few other 'Single at 30/40' Chinese women videos pop up in my Youtube feed. Now I understand why.
It seems like what is currently happening in China is following the footsteps of what already occured here in the US, and more broadly the West. Over the decades, women poured into the workforce and as a result, attitudes toward relationships and family changed. "I don't need a man" became a common sentiment by the time I was in college, but it started much earlier. Women do have more freedom to choose what they want, rather than settle into a role, because they can largely support themselves. This has both positive and negative consequences for society, at least as we've known it to be. Like anything else, it's typically a trade of one set of problems for another set of problems. Pick a poison.
As a man, I do have to say that I wouldn't want to be with a woman who didn't actually love me and was only fulfilling an obligation. That is a terrible fate for both men and women in the modern age. I do understand some sense of responsibility to the world around us to keep cohesion though. It's just that our relationship to the world seems to be changing as well. Shifting and uncertain times we live in, whilst we seek to grab hold of something to maintain some familiarity and stablity.

中国现在发生的这些变化，和美国乃至整个西方曾经走过的路很像。几十年间，大量女性进入职场，婚恋和家庭观念随之改变。我上大学的时候，“我不需要男人”已经是很普遍的想法，而这种变化更早之前就开始了。女性经济基本可以独立，拥有更多选择权，不必被迫接受固定的人生角色。这件事对社会有利也有弊，至少在我们熟悉的社会框架下是这样。万事都是取舍，旧问题解决了，又会迎来新难题。

身为男性我想说，我不想和一个并不爱我、只是为了完成任务才和我在一起的女性相伴。放到现在，对男女双方来说，这都是煎熬。但我也明白，我们对社会有维系稳定的责任。只是人和世界之间的联结方式也在改变。我们处在动荡不确定的时代，都想抓住一点东西，留住熟悉感和安稳。

 

ShannonDerie
Wow are you ever smart.I love how you can see things so clearly and not complicated

哇，你真的很聪慧。总能把事情看得通透，不把它复杂化。

 

jemuelpasamon9148
im 37 single I'm happy from Philippines it's my life.

我37岁，单身，过得很开心，我来自菲律宾，这是我的人生。

mafp22w
Some of the happiest people in the world…particularly those from the provinces!

世上活得最快乐的一群人里，就有不少来自乡下的人！

 

Red.Christopher
Very informative Kobo. I appreciate you taking the time to bring different perspectives to this topic. It does indeed seem complicated with no one clear reason.
Here in the US, I think the cultural pressures are changing faster than in China. Maybe not for all the various demographics, but for some with generally more progressive viewpoints it appears to be.

这期内容干货满满。很感谢你花时间，把这个话题不同角度的观点带给大家。这件事确实很复杂，不是单一原因造成的。

在美国，我觉得婚恋相关的文化压力变化速度比中国更快。不是所有群体都这样，但思想更开放的那部分人，变化很明显。

 

marioleone9157
Sono decisamente d'accordo sulla tua interessante panoramica di vedere il MATRIMONIO stare bene con se stesse e più vita di una unione per convenienza voluta da tradizioni ormai passate,
DA noi essere single a qualsiasi età è normale, e ci piaci così come sei, un abbraccio da un Italiano

我完全认同你这个有意思的看法：比起顺应过时传统、将就搭伙过日子的婚姻，更重要的是和自己好好相处。

在我们这里，不管多大年纪单身都很正常。我们喜欢你本来的样子，一个意大利人给你送上拥抱。

 

sandragoitom4325
Marriage is great when you meet the person that aligns with your values. Everyone needs to examine their own wants & needs and drown out society's expectations. Happiness comes when you know you 1st before being caught up in what people think is the right way. Basically, important to examine why marriage may be or not be the right path before going forward.

遇到三观契合的人，婚姻才美好。每个人都要想清楚自己真正想要什么，别被社会的期待裹挟。先读懂自己，不去盲从别人眼里正确的活法，才能收获幸福。简单来说，在选择结婚之前，一定要想明白婚姻到底适不适合自己。

 

daniella-k
I would never inflict this world on a new soul. Get married, but no children. Break the cruel cycle.

我不愿意把一个新生命带到这个世界上来。可以结婚，但不要生孩子，斩断这个残酷的循环。

 

Gu-S
A new role in the theater of life. It all depends on which part you choose to play within the role of being married—the one expected (by parents and parents-in-law), or the one you yourself want to embody. Or perhaps you simply feel that this role is not the right fit for you.

人生就像一场大戏，婚姻是其中一个角色。结婚之后，你可以选择去扮演公婆、父母期待的样子，也可以选择活成自己想要的模样。当然，你也可能觉得，这个角色根本不适合自己。