Why is it that a boy needs to be older than the girl in an Indian marriage?
I am seven years older than my husband.
You can't imagine what a big deal that was.
Of course there were other issues like community, but we'll talk only about age here.
My husband and I were aware I was much older than he is, and consciously never dated though we really liked each other. But of course destiny had other plans for us.
We had to convince our family. I was 31 and he 24, far too young to get married his family thought.
My family - a girl matures faster than a guy and hence it's important that the guy is older than the girl.
At 24, he isn't financially stable.
Since you'll age faster than him, he might leave you for a younger woman.
His family - in our culture the bride must be younger than the groom. What will people say?
If she isn't married yet, there's obviously something wrong with her character.
She's so much older, will she still be fertile when you'll want to have kids?
These are actual things said by our families and I'm sure most people have these thoughts
Lili Basu Biswas, Housewife (2005-present)
1.It's generally consider, a woman maturity level is equivalent to 5 yrs plus age man.
2.Women loss their attractiveness much faster than men. A 30 yrs old women can be similar in term of attractiveness of 35 plus age man. Do not consider the make up things.
3.In India, husband consider as guardian of a family.
4.In old age, both husband and wife will suffer old age problems at same time. If 10 yrs age difference is there than a 50 yrs old wife can take care of 60 years husband. Because she will be much stronger than her husband because she is much younger. Their children's also does not need to take much load of two aged parents.
5.Men sexual drive stay much longer than women. As in Indian normally people marry for one in a life. This thing also need to balance
Subramanya Prabhakar, worked at PricewaterhouseCoopers
Hmm interesting question.. I don't think it's a rule but just a practice. I am a Kannadiga and my wife is a Sindhi who is a couple of years older than me.. I am 28 and she is 30 Just a background..
Now let me try listing some advantages of marrying a girl older than you:--
- When it comes to the new generation, I have observed that most of the girls are pretty immature. Some are just plain plastic/ phoney. The rest are simply boring.
- Older girls from my experience can be good/ equal partners in crisis management. So this lets you take more risks and if going gets difficult you are not stuck with a silly young girl.
- In most situations you are on the same page with the girl. So this makes life that much simpler.
- You don't have to waste your time and effort trying to make the girl comprehend something since she is already level with you. So this lets you to take quick decisions.
- Biggest advantage of all they are simply better in bed ;)
- No offence intended to anyone. I hope the younger generation can keep up too
Raj Subramanyam, Marriage won't work automatically ... you have to make it work !
This convention is dated back well before the current generation.
The thought process of the previous generation:
1.Girls are brought up with a notion that, the protector and provider is father before marriage and husband after marriage and son in the sunset age. Father and husband’s words are to be respected alike. Hence, it’s obvious that, the husband should be elder to her, in order to earn (read command) that respect from her.
2.When the couple is considered as a single individual, isolated unit, the person who leads the unit, obviously is supposed to be senior who had more experience in life. Since it’s the husband (by default, in the previous generation) who leads the family, he is supposed to be the eldest one in their little unit.
3.Biologically, a younger woman means a lesser health risks, lesser risk in pregnancy, higher possibility of bringing healthy babies into the world
4.Younger woman can help better during the old age of the husband and post his demise, could be in a position to help her daughter-in-law during her pregnancies and take an active part in rising the grand children
The though process of the recent generation:
From girl’s parents:
1.Higher the age of the boy, higher will be his income (in general, there will always be exceptions), so their daughter would be well provided
2.Girls are more matured than boys at a lesser age (approx. 3 years). So to have a more or less similar mindset between the both, the girl has to be at least 2 - 3 years younger
2.女孩会比男孩早熟3年。因此，为了让这两者之间拥有相似的心态，女孩必须至少年轻2 - 3岁。
From boy’s parents:
1.Elder bride means, possible control of her over their son
2.Possible risks in pregnancy and further brought up of the children
3.In an argument, she would say, I’ve seen more life than you have, this is how it needs to done. Now don’t argue with me anymore on this (On a personal note here … irrespective of wife being elder or younger, she’s the one who wins, so I don’t see why this point is applicable at all)
Due to above reasons, it’s still considered in Indian arranged marriage scenario that the groom should be elder to the bride.
Prabhat Agarwal, Engineer by profession, foodie by habit and a history freak by choice .
See historically in almost all cultures across the globe there was a belief that a man should marry a woman who is younger to him and the most common reason behind this belief was the relationship of age with fertility of a woman , which further related to her abilities to raise her children at the age when she is young & healthy and also a common belief that women turns old earlier than men and her ability to serve her husband and look after him decreases but now it no longer prevails extensively as the education, literacy and awareness has increased among the people. Today, we see cases of older women marrying younger men and age in modern India is not actually a big issue specially in educated people. A further reason behind this believe can be a view that a man should be strong enough physically, mentally, financially and socially to fulfill his responsibilities successfully as a husband and a father. So, in this way he was the family's sole bread earner and responsible for fulfilling majority of its needs, which pushed him into a situation where he has to achieve few things and fulfill some conditions before he could be considered eligible for marriage. Thus, a man needed few more years than woman for becoming fit for marriage and causing him to be elder than his wife.
Vishnu Rajan.R, Rooted cricket fan and like to know about astrophysics.
This is an interesting question,
The boy needs to be older or same as the age of girl,because Researcher has found that Marriage generally improves life expectancy, but the age gap between a couple affects the life expectancy of men and women very differently.
Marrying an older man shortens a woman's lifespan, but having a younger husband reduces it even more, the study found.
A man who is between seven and nine years older than his wife has an 11% lower mortality rate than a man whose wife is the same age as him. However, a woman who is between seven and nine years older than her husband has a 20% greater mortality rate than if she were with a man the same age.（图）
比妻子大7 - 9岁的男性和与妻子年龄相同的男性相比，死亡率低11%。但比丈夫大7 - 9岁的女性和与丈夫年龄相同的女性相比，死亡率高20%。
Gisella Famà, Recently married!
This is me and my husband. I am 1 year (he would tell you 2) older than him.
Could you tell?
Yes, no, it doesn't matter.
Of course I will reach my 40s, 50s etc before him and I will get wrinkles everywhere, while he will most probably be the same and of course, being a man, may be attracted to young girls.
But you know what? I am not worried about that! Because not many young girls can really compete with the way I am now, imagine in the future, when I will have learnt so much more and will have even more experience than I have now.
Sometimes all you need is a little bit of self confidence. And knowing that (hopefully) you are together with someone just for their souls, and not for their looks - which is usually what age takes away from you!
Prem Rathaur, Geologist || ONGCian || DGHian
Technically and logically a boy needs to be little older than the girl to marry.
Biologically girls grow earlier to boys and thier growth rate is little faster than the boys and they become physically more mature than the guys of same age. So a boy of 21 year old will be at same physical maturity that of a girl which 18-19 year old.
It is supposed (ancient time) that girls life span is little less than that of men so if a boye marries a girl with 2-5 year younger girl that might die at the same time (here time means difference of 1-2 year) provided notaccident happened.
If we think logically boys should be older to gain more experience than a girl whom he is going to marry which is possible if you have spend more time on the earth.
Considering other social factors like good job, stable carrer, well setteled house etc. you need time for that which makes you older
Sukh Dutta, Observing people around and learning everyday..
Less than a year is not even a difference. I am 2 months elder than my husband. To us, it doesn't even matter (except during those two months when he teases me). Like all things, it matters more to outsiders who have nothing to do with it.
In India at least, people want the husband to be older than the wife especially in an arranged marriage setup. Why? So that the husband will be "well-settled" and "good marriage material" (translated to - is in a secure job with enough salary) and the couple don't have to worry about financial factors. I don't know whether the idea is valid or not but I do know that its the trend. Personally, I don't agree with it but hey... to each his own!
Of course if the age difference is too large (for me it would be more than 7-8 years, could be more or less for others), then the perspective towards life becomes different. And its applicable whether the guy is older or the girl. What you both want from life becomes different. Your maturity levels become different. There are always exceptions but the relationship would suffer if the two people are looking for completely different things because they are at different phases in their lives.
Jyothi Mohan, lived in India
The reason which I was aware is that girls mental maturity is faster than the boys , good 3 years ahead. A boy with 21 years has the same amount of maturity as that of a 18 year girl. Now, dont ask me on what basis/studies this has been determined :-)
As per the Prohibition of Child Marriage Act legal age for a girl to marry is 18 and for a boy is 21.
In our family, we see that the age difference between the boy and girl should not be more than 5 years, if not in the current age it becomes a generation gap :-)
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Maitreyee Bhaduri, works at Adani Power
Who told you so? Sita was older than Ram. Radha was older than Krishna. Need more examples?
The cult has nothing to do with Indian tradition but more to do with economics and common sense.
Typically men are perceived as bread-winners and women were married off early all around the world. Older men typically had a higher degree of education or experience, had a job and could support a family. It was just plain common sense since no parent would like to marry their daughter to a penniless youngster.
With women's empowerment, most of the world has moved ahead (including in India) but some people simply love to blame everything on Indian culture.