Which is better: an arranged marriage or a love marriage
Aishwarya V Yajn, Keen observer
I am not married yet, but I’ll write what I have observed till now.
Long answer ahead!
Story number 1-
S was my neighbour, a well-educated, working girl. When her parents put a proposal of marriage in front of her, she revealed that she already had a boyfriend. The boy was an engineering graduate & unemployed, but from a well-off family. And most importantly from the same community as the girl. Initially, her parents were reluctant to get her married to him as he was not earning his livelihood. But the girl gave them two options, ‘either get me married to him or let me remain unmarried for my entire life’. She knew the weakness of Indian parents well!
Six months later, S came back to parents’ home and never went back! The reason was quite valid. Post-wedding she got to know that the guy was suffering from bipolar disorder! She didn’t have any idea about that as he was on regular medication, but stopped the medication after marriage for God knows what reason. Later they applied for a divorce and now the girl is happily married to another man in an arranged marriage set-up.
译文来源：三泰虎 http://www.santaihu.com/46930.html 译者：Joyceliu
Story number 2-
This is my own cousin’s (maternal) story. She fell in love with someone from her graduation days. The man is from Jharkhand and the girl from Karnataka. They dated for around 4–5 years after which both of them convinced their respective parents and got married. Though convincing parents was not a cake walk, they were adnt about their stand. They didn’t care about what relatives and neighbours may talk about them.
They are happily married for four years now with a beautiful baby girl.
Story number 3 -
We know a family consisting of Father, Mother and a Son. Being a single child he enjoyed all the pampering from parents, he was soft natured and well behaved. He was well-settled too, the only negative point is that he was a bit obese. After trying for many years, he got married to a well-educated, working woman. She was beautiful too. Everything seemed to be fine for a few months post-wedding.
Then they broke the news that new couple are getting divorced! I don’t really know the reason, but their marriage lived for too short period. I pity them!
Story number 4-
This is about my other cousin (paternal). The girl was well-educated and employed. She was dark-skinned and obese ( Don’t judge me, there is a reason why I am mentioning it here). After she turned 23, her parents started searching for a suitable groom. All the proposals were bit disappointing like the boy is ten years elder to her or unemployed. She kept defying every proposal. She was about to get convinced she has to make compromise about her choices.
Then came my baava (brother-in-law). He was fair, tall, fit, a graduate, earning well, from a well-off family. There was no valid reason to reject him. She was all head over heels for him. And quite surprisingly, he liked her too, he found no flaws in her!
They got married soon and recently they gave birth to a beautiful girl! Theirs is a perfect family now!
Okay! Story time ends here. Let’s draw some conclusion from the above stories now.
1 & 2 tells you two different love stories. Whereas 3 & 4 are arrange marriage stories. If you keenly observe , there are imperfections in all their lives! There is an arranged marriage which has failed and a love marriage which makes you jealous! So there is nothing like only love marriages fail or only arrange marriages make a happy family.
If you love someone, take time, understand them. Don’t hurry. If you feel that you are made for each other, never leave them! No matter how much you have to struggle to convince your parents, no matter how long you have to wait, get married. Keep them!
You have not found your love yet? Don’t worry. Try your luck in arrange marriage. You’ll definitely fall in love when you find the person. You don’t have to marry the first person you see. Take time!
Love marriage is not the criteria to be happy, “ love in marriage” is.
Success in marriage life is highly subjective and it’s you who is responsible for the outcome.
Manisha Verma, Content Writer
This is really difficult questions as different people have different oion and perceptions. Both the marriage institutions have their own advantages and disadvantages. If you compare both the marriage institutions, you will find that there are a few things which you like in arranged marriage and there must be many things which you find good in love marriage. I am here sharing a few things as comparison:
In arranged marriage, your family chose the partner for you and they compare a lot of things from financial status of the other’s family, social status, family background, education etc. So, the relationship is not based upon single criteria.
In love marriage, you first understand each-other, like each-other and love each-other and then only you take this important decision of marriage. You pay attention to the education, mindset, understanding, attitude, behavior, thought process, but don’t pay much attention to financial status and family background.
In arranged marriage, whenever you face any issue or there is any dispute between you and your partner, your family is always there to support you and help you to resolve the issue.
In love marriage, your family take the back seat and they interrupt between you and your partner only when you ask them to help you out. They never take any initiative to resolve your issue by themselves.
In arranged marriage, you don’t enter into this bond with lots of expectations from your partner, because you know it very well that you have to adjust with this new family and your partner whether you accept it or not.
In love marriage, as you both know each-other well, so you have a lot of expectations from each-other. You expect a lot of thing from your partner because you have mutually decided to get into this relationship. If your partner doesn’t meet your expectations you feel frustrated over it.
In arranged marriage, you expect that your in-laws will give you a lot of gifts and money as dowry.
In love marriage, you don’t have such expectations from your in-laws to give your dowry.
In arranged marriage, you take time to understand each other and build trust on each-other. You don’t know much about each-other, so in the initial phase you don’t enjoy the good level of understanding and make adjustments with a lot of things.
In love marriage, you know each-other very well. You have good level of understanding with each-other and trust factor is on the higher side. So, from the first day of your marriage, you don’t think about adjustments, rather you enjoy your understanding with your partner.
In arranged marriage, you take time to think and act like a team.
In love marriage, you think and act like a team from day one onwards .
In arranged marriage, you don’t worry about small and big things in life because you always have family’s support.
In love marriage, you plan everything and work to achieve your couple goals because you know that family support will be minimum or nil.
Precious Quirante, Cool mom of 5
I prefer a combination of both.
I have an Indian friend who expned to me about arranged marriage and how it goes. He told me you have to be involved in finding a partner for your children especially your daughters. I listened to his inputs.
Year 2011, my high school classmate who married a German, now based in Germany sent me a message in FB. She informed me that they’re coming home for vacation May of 2012, and asked me if it’s possible to introduce her son to my daughter when they’re in the country. Just being friends and we will see if they will like each other. I said yes but I had not given it a serious thought.
May 2012. My classmate invited me for lunch a day after their arrival. I was surprised when I saw her son. She was asking me about my daughter. I forgot to inform my daughter about our deal. We set another meeting in the afternoon, about 5 P.M. in a restaurant. My daughter was very hesitant, she didn’t like the idea but I begged her to give it a try. To make the story short, they met and talked. We were on the other table observing.
After the meeting my daughter told me he’s boring, just said few words and that’s it. My high school classmate called up asking for feedback from daughter about her son. I just said it was okay.
After 2 days, they visited our home for dinner as requested by my classmate so they will get to know us more. It was good but again, I did not feel something will come out from matching our children. They left for Germany that weekend.
I was not aware that they were sky after that meeting. December of same year, 7 months after their meeting, the guy came to celebrate Christmas and New Year with us. Both are already in love with each other. I gave one advice to my daughter. I told her, “ I can’t be with you always and I can feel you love him, you can kiss and hug but never open your legs. Your virginity is the most precious gift you can give your future husband and he might not be the one. Preserve yourself.”
March 2013, her BF proposed, March 2014, they got married here in the Philipes.
Now, they are blessed with 2 children. A girl (2 yo) and a baby boy ( 1 month old)
For me, it’s a combination of arranged and love. We agreed to introduce our children, let them be friends and see if love will flourish and it did.
We are both happy mothers and grannies.
6 years back if you have asked this question, I would have answered Love Marriage. Time changes, perception changes.
One of the most important factor which derives a marriage is Money - Some people will blame me as sest, but this is truth. I have 2 failed relationships, both failed because i have a financial crisis 6 years back.
Today, I am well settled Man with Promising career ahead - I don’t give fuck to marriages anymore, i will marry, but the girl my family choose with same status. When I have great options, why should i look elsewhere. I have money and I have the authority and power.
With this, What i also analysed that till age of 25, we guys are desperate to have relationships and marriages. Girls below 25 get lot of attention and will only come to you if you have money. When we guys cross the age of 28–29, we get mature and Practical - usually put our Brain before heart. Girls on the other side have started fading their beauty and since their Biological Clock is ticking. they start getting desperate to marry you. I can see this clearly now, I get proposals for Marriage almost every week from women who have not given me fuck 10 years ago.
It doesn’t matter whom you marry, whether its arrange or love. Marriage has become a deadly business specially for men, I still believe that it is women who make men successful But marriages are not that easy which it was 20 years back.
Ankit Vani, Assistant manager at State Bank of India
They both lived in nearby houses in a small town where falling in love was considered to be a sin. The idea of being in love, especially for a girl was seen as bringing misfortune to the family. Both belonged to different caste, they knew that their family won’t agree to their choice because pride and prestige are bigger matter for them.
One day, they fled away and married each other. For next 5–7 years, they lived unnoticed and their families barely cared about them. Their love prospered, the marriage worked perfectly and both of them are happily married for 30 years now with 2 beautiful daughters.And yes, their families have accepted them too.
They lived in opposite houses, his family turned from rich to poor, hers’ was a rich one. He got a go nment job, her family wished to tie the knot for eternity. Things proceeded, they had barely met each other before marriage. Got married a year later in a totally arranged marriage setup.
They are happily married for 30 years now. I have never seen them expressing love for each other but regardless of that both of them have carried the alliance successfully and stood beside each other during tough times.
She was a Jain, he was a Rajput. The Royal Boy and the beautiful girl fell for each other. They knew the typical Indian society reaction for their love, yet they wanted to stay forever. Love tied their togetherness, time tested their commitment. The girl was harassed by her own family, the boy was yet to make a mark.
The girl was not flinched by the harassment, he was banking high on her trust. After a lot of efforts from both sides, they got married. They are happily married for more than 10 years now with two kids. Another example of successful love marriage.
The boy was working in an MNC with five figure sry, the girl belonged to a reputable family and had all the ingredients to be an adorable daughter-in-law. The match was fixed soon, both felt comfortable in each other’s company and love began to develop gradually.
Soon, they got married in a grand ceremony and their new lives began. Six months into the marriage, boy was said to have contracted cancer. Smelling the trouble, the girl backed off and chose to walk away. A year later, they filled a divorced and settled things amicably.
He was a teacher, she was a student. There was no hint of sprouting love between them. I still wonder for what they fell for each other. He was a reputable teacher and was honored among the society, she belonged to a lower strata but love turns a blind eye to everything.
The story continued, they got married secretly and gradually began their own life after a lot of opposition from their respective families. Today, the girl dominates the whole proceedings, he feels suffocated for his own choice and the chemistry seems to have spoiled between them. A classic case of failed love marriage.
Conclusively speaking, there is nothing such as love marriage is better than arranged marriage or vice versa. Both are better given you manage to make the relationship work.
Otherwise, it is a living hell.