How common are extramarital affairs in India?
Ishita D Kumar, lives in India
My husband lives in a house with his younger brother who is also married. However he is about 2 years younger, he married just 2 months after ours.
Because we all 4 are living in same house and we are of similar age, we have a kind of natural attracatuon for each other. Me and my brother in law started getting attracted to each other slowly. Meanwhile he got married. Now same happened with my husband and his sister in law. I started talking about it with her who js more open minded.
Initially I had sex with my hysband's brother few times in absence of others. The two brothers hesitate in talking this matter with each other but it seemed that they have no objection and both are attracted to cross-woman.
The talk between me and her did help. We also talked little with our husband's. It seemed they are agree to swap concept.
Now almost every alternate night me and and my sister in law change our bedroom. After few months passed like this, I feel it still interesting.
All we do in same house and not outside it snd not under any kind of force or prrssure. These matters are within us only. Our husbands still hesitate to talk with each other on this matter. Finally we completely avoid any kind of group sex and always give our husband a priority over other. More important is we all live in friendly way in day time without any discussion about it
Tanvi Goyal, Housewife
From what I know it is neither uncommon not the trend. It is mostly a choice for people. Sometimes it is much more of a one-off thing where it just happens and at times it could be a well planned affair that goes on for a long time.
I have always loved my husband and I never can think about living without him. We complete each other but then it is true that he is one of those busiest of men the world has produced. He is a very simple sweet caring guy who you just cannot hate. I never wished to cheat on him but today it almost feels like I cannot do about it. I have been a “mistress” to a few men who were also married just like me. While their reason was the lack of intimacy they had with their spouse, mine has always been a weird addiction. I am always the perfect wife, and no part of my other life ever crosses path with the current one. I always make sure of that.
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But when I take a break from my regular life, it is a very irrational and inexplicable pleasure that I get in my extra-marital affair knowing fully well that I’m doing exactly what I’m not supposed to do and people would call me bad names given the kind of traditional background I come from.
I did try seeing a psychiatrist for this for a while, but I stopped going there after a few times. She was always trying to make me see that I might end up ruining my perfect life while this is the very thing which makes me indulge in infidelity. My husband is too involved with his work mostly to ever notice my absence, and while he is with me, I make sure I disappear from my other adventures.
I have never felt guilty because somehow I always saw his work as an extra-marital affair. Being left alone with nothing to do made me sick most of the time and I dont know when, but things started moving in this direction. I don’t think I’ll ever apologize to him because this at least gives me comfort while I dont have him by my side. I see it mostly as being even, and as punishing him for the absence from my life. Perhaps if it was a love marriage, I would have felt differently. True, I love him a lot and he is the nicest husband I could have asked for, but also; any partner is better than no partner.
So that is what my reason is.
I am a 27 year old girl and married for more than a year ago. It was an arrange marriage. My parents had choose him for me. I met my husband online and it was all going good. After knowing each other for almost 8 months we got married to each other. Everything was going fine in the marriage. My mother in law was a bit narrow minded so expected to cook and never allowed me to keep a maid. I was somehow ok because ultimately money was saved. Little did I know my husband too started doubting on me on random men’s from my office or be it even my college friends. I was totally annoyed by this and felt disheartened. I started regretting my decision of getting married to the wrong person. I started to regret all the good guys who had approached me for marriage but rejected them for some silly reasons.
One such guy was from a Merchant Navy. His parents had approached me for marriage. The perfect eligible bachelor. Good height looks and a wonderful soul (but rejected him for his weird duty timings). One fine day I visited his profile in social media just out of curiosity and found out that he too got married with a beautiful girl. I was somehow having mixed feelings over this but ignored.
Days passed by and my husband started putting more restrictions on me. I was kind of frustrated so downloaded tinder for casual dating. I swiped on many guys but didn’t find anyone worth. A week passed by. One random day while swiping I found the merchant Navy guy on tinder. I super liked him but didn’t get any reply. I waited for a week and uninstalled the app. I started over thinking if he as well was unhappy in his marriage (Just a year for both our marriages). I decided to approach him on facebook via a fake profile and confront him about liking his tinder profile and knowing that he is married shall be discreet about it. I was very unsure if he would reply because he had 5000 friends already. Luck favored by my side and he replied me instantly. He told that he was just trying out the tinder app out of curiosity and nothing more. He told me he was happy in his marriage. I said ok and slowly and steadily we started chatting almost every day. Not a day passed by when he didn’t text me. We started sharing our life problems to each other. He later told me he was not sexually happy in his marriage so was on tinder. Both our partners were unaware about our chats. I started liking him and confessed him that it was his parents who had liked me as his wife but I rejected him. He was shocked to hear that initially but later was ok and he too started loving me. We chatted days and even late night (we didn’t meet yet). Its almost 2 months we know each other. I decided to meet him. He was alone at home someday so called me over. I took a leave from office without any1 knowing about it and went to meet him at his place. He was more handsome than what he actually looked in his pictures. I was flattered to meet him. We sat for an hour chatting and knowing each other. We get closer eventually and ended in Bed. I felt heaven when I had sex with him. We tried almost most of his fantasies in a day time. He loved me more than his wife. He would be up late at night just to talk to me. We are totally into each other.
We both are happy with each other I keep him happy always. I regret not getting married to him. None of our partners are aware of this affair and we both have decided to keep it discreet until any1 comes to know about it.
I thereby enjoy having extramarital affair because it keeps both of us Happy
Going antonymous for obvious reaons
I would say pretty common. Let me give you an example. I had an affair with this woman 5 years back. We used to sext a lot, exchange nude pics and do the ‘dance of no pants’. When her parents started searching for a husband for her she asked me to marry her I said no since I was building my career. We last met the day before her marriage. We went to a hotel and spent the entire night doing…well you know what.
Post her marriage we lost touch. Then got in touch , talked a bit here and there. I had a gf that time so I focused on her. Post my break up one day I messaged her and the conversation turned naughty (Ironically while typing this I just got a text from her. I asked her to send me nude selfies. She obliged. What followed was a avalanche of sexting. I even got her to tape her having sex with her husband and send it to me. One day she said she wanted to meet me. I had shifted to a different city. She lied to her husband and flew down and we went to a hotel. This repeated over the next 3 years. Few months ago I visited her city. I even went to her house where I was introduced as a friend to her husband and parents. I stayed the night. In night she sneaked out of her room and took me to the terrace (they stay in an apartment) where we .. “had fun”.
Now I am back in my city. We keep sexting and she says she misses me. She is flying down sometime over the next 2 months (cant tell exact date sorry !) and she has asked me to have unprotected sex becuase she loves me and wants to have my child and she feels we both will produce a good looking child (her husband is a nice but ugly looking chap !)
I know dozens of stories like these. Men and women. Do i judge them ? No. I judge society that forced most of them into marriages that they weren't ready for at and at a age that they didn't want to get married. This is the end result.
Now excuse me. I have to make plan for our next trip
Deepak Sharma, Mentor at Yogisclub | Prana Expert | IT Consultant
Very common. But it is a choice which men and women make. If you want to be in an affair, then equally there is supply too.
I often wonder at such people! If you can’t enjoy a woman, how can you enjoy two or 10 women? It is just nonsensical and childish. I have also seen women involved with 4–5 men.What is this? If you can’t learn from one man, then you can’t learn being with 5 men too. What men and women want to learn from all these merry go-arounds, they are themselves not clear about it. It is just good entertainment for both genders; catching each one till they find themselves jumping in bed together. And statistics and reality in society tell only one thing- such people are really childish, running from pillar to post their whole life. It's an addiction which hardly stops.
And whenever I ask all such “smart” and “sexy” men and women, ‘why do you guys do it? They say- yar maja aata hai (for fun). Life is far more than such petty funs.
I have greater respect for prostitutes and gigolos than for such people because these people are so dishonest that they don’t even have guts to admit it to their partners. F**k to such smartness and sexiness. Atleast go via proper channel, inform your partner that you wana look for something else and are tired of marriage. Why to make your married life a secured umbrella? It is disgusting.
What a perverted world- husband sleeping with other’s wives and wives sleeping with other’s husbands!! Ironically, in the end no one is content; neither with the partner at home nor with 'sexcapade' buddies! The more you go into it, the more you find yourself sinking low and low.
Ramya Srikanth, former Teach French and Spanish
At the outset, let me say that my answer is not to offend anyone. My experience is that even as a child, I used to notice extramarital affairs among my grandparents neighbours when I used to visit them during my summer holidays in school. Was very astonished and shocked . But my grandmother used to say that it was a common accepted practice in villages even then. Didn't understand it fully then but I do so now. So I feel it is not a question of western/ metro city influence. It has been worldwide for a very long time. Maybe it just a manufacturing defect in the minds of human beings.
It has become very common these days. I stay in Pune. I work for an IT company in Pune. My landlords wife spends a quality time with me daily while her husband is away. Her husband always abuses her and beats her when he is drunk. Her husband usually works in a night shifts in a manufacturing company. And once he leaves its the time for our love making.
Currently she is pregnant and that is my kid and her husband is thinking he has made her pregnant after 5 years, but only we both know the truth. Now i am planning to leave this house ASAP because i dont want to see my kid and people relating it to me.
This has become a common trend these days.Some do it to kill their loneliness.Some for getting a kid.Some for money. Some are deprived of sex. So it depends upon the situations that one is going through.
I’m married for the past six years. We love each other. My husband is generally caring and considerate, but like a typical Indian macho male, he considers women as incompetent, lazy and easy going. After two years of marriage I took up a job and now earn a decent income to manage our monthly expenditure.
Despite of some minor irritations about his macho attitude and his not sharing household chores, we lead a happy life together. There is no reason for me to cheat. But the unthinkable simply happened. A colleague of mine became friendly. I tried to ignore for a long time, but finally ended up having an affair. It was an act of expressing my newly found fre m, not because I didn’t love my husband.
Soon something went wrong, our affair is discovered and blown open. I thought of quitting my job to avoid further embarrassment. My colleague paid the penalty for the indiscretion, he is transferred to another place.
I continue to work only due to the insistence and support of my husband. But it nearly broke our marriage and affected my career. Now our married life has limped back to normal. Strangely, I’ve no regrets about what has happened