三泰虎

为何很多印度女孩找不到男人结婚?

Why are many girls in India not getting a man to marry?

为何印度有许多女孩找不到男人结婚?

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QUORA网站读者评论:

来源:三泰虎      http://www.santaihu.com/45917.html     译者:Joyceliu

外文链接:https://www.quora.com/Why-are-many-girls-in-India-not-getting-a-man-to-marry

 

Shrinivasan S, Interested in People and Places

I see dozens of answers here, most are just whining, a few very genuine personal takes on the issue which come very close to but don't address the problem completely.

我在这里看到了几十个回答,大多数都只是抱怨,一些非常真实的个人观点非常接近这个问题,但并没有完全解决这个问题。

First to solve a problem, we need to properly define it and find its root causes-

首先,要解决一个问题,我们需要正确地定义它,找到它的根源所在-

This question will specifically answer why middle class girls in India (and even boys) are finding it difficult to get married, the poor do not have this issue, the rich also don't, the very successful also do not have it. It's the average/above average/below average middle classes, mostly urban, English educated who specifically have this problem. Though in the coming decade or so it is going to permeate and percolate downwards and upwards and infect almost all strata of society, the coming cataclysmic collapse will be something never seen, heard or read.

这个问题将明确地回答为什么印度的中产阶级女孩(甚至男孩)发现自己越来越难结婚,穷人没有这个问题,富人也没有,非常成功的人也没有。处在平均水平/高于平均水平/低于平均水平的中产阶级,主要是受过英语教育的城市中产阶级,存在这个问题。不过在未来的十年左右,这个问题将会渗透到社会的各个阶层,几乎所有社会阶层都会受到影响,即将到来的灾难性崩溃将是前所未见、闻所未闻的。

Most of it is explained by the red pill which gives the only truthful solution to diverse and complex issues such as - evolutionary biology, sexual dimorphism, feminism, hypergamy, why socialism rose in the west and many of the rest, why the state (read: government) is replacing the traditional role of the husband in the west and trying to in the rest and many other questions.

这一问题的真相,也给不同的、复杂的问题提供了唯一真实的解决方案——比如进化生物学、两性异形、女权主义、同层结亲,为什么社会主义在西方和许多地区崛起,为什么国家(政府)正在取代传统的西方丈夫的角色,在其他地区和许多其他问题方面也试图这么做。

 

Anujit Ganguly, lives in Kolkata, West Bengal, India

I don't know weather I am eligible to answer it or not, but being a 20years old male, I know a lot of girls of my age group and their mentality. This answer can be related to almost 40% of the girls.

我不知道我是否有资格回答这个问题,但作为一名20岁的男性,我了解我这个年龄段的很多女孩和她们的心态。这个答案可能与40%的女孩有关。

Let's take a girl, G1, aged 20, good looking, below average in academics throughout her life, supportive parents with a bit of conservative nature.

让我们以一个女孩为例,女孩1, 20岁,长得很漂亮,成绩一直低于平均水平,支持她的父母思想有点保守。

She is getting a lot of attention and love proposals from men above her age, her classmates and her ex-classmates. Now she takes all these for granted, she thinks it will continue for a very long time i.e., atleast for 40 years of age. But the truth is, it doesn't. It hardly continues upto her 30s. Now when she don't get the type of attention, she realizes her fault and agrees to marry someone. Initially the demands are sky high, like boy must be 6feet tall, must a CEO or IAS or Commercial Pilot, etc. None of the boys who are bachelor and above 30, who falls under her criteria gives a shit to her choices and she don't get any response. This adds more or less 5 years to her age. Most of the men are either married or so successful that they can get their dream girl so why go for G1. Now, if G1 is extremely lucky, she gets a man else joins any pseudo feminist group and bangs about their achievements.

她得到了许多年龄比她大的男人、她的同学和她以前的同学的关注和求婚。现在她认为所有这些都是理所当然的,她认为这将持续很长一段时间。至少在40岁的时候。但事实并非如此。这种情况很难持续到30多岁。现在,当她无法获得这样的关注时,她意识到自己的错误,同意嫁给某个人。最初她的要求非常高,比如男孩必须有6英尺高,必须是CEO或IAS或商业飞行员等等。但是符合她的标准的30岁以上的单身汉,对她的选择不屑一顾,她没有得到任何回应。她有蹉跎了5岁。大多数男人要么已经结婚,要么非常成功,他们可以得到自己的梦中情人,所以为什么要选择女孩1呢?现在,如果女孩1非常幸运的话,她会得到一个其他的男人,加入任何伪女权主义团体,并对他们的成就赞不绝口。

Let's take another girl G2, good looking, excellent academics, still same story, so much attention in young age and none after 30. Well she has some chance to get married if she cuts some of the useless demands put by G1. Well in this case, her education is saving her.

让我们以另一个女孩女孩2为例,她长得很美,学业也很优秀,一样的情况,年轻的时候很受关注,30岁以后就没人关注了。如果她能放弃女孩1提出的一些无用的要求,她就有机会结婚了。在这种情况下,她的学历拯救了她。

Now, I am sorry for the construction of the answer as most honest answers can't be formed to please everyone.

现在,我对这个答案表示抱歉,因为最诚实的答案并不能让每个人都满意。

Comment box is yours, you are free to write whatever you want.

评论栏是你的,你想写什么就写什么。

 

Anonymous

First incident from my college: Third year, walked upto her and proposed her. She laughed and told me: Before proposing next time, wear good clothes and change your specs, no one is going to say “Yes” to you. Trust me, I am your well wisher and you can get a much prettier girl than me.

我大学的第一次经历:三年级的时候,我走到她面前向她求婚。她笑着告诉我:下次求婚前,穿好衣服,换好眼镜,你这样没人会答应你的。相信我,我祝福你,你会找到一个比我更漂亮的女孩。

I was bit broken. I am very close to my brother (cousin), I was feeling numb, he knew about my crush. He, 3 years older (10 years more matured) than me, told me few lines: Do you want a carpet to cover holes in your floor? Some people may love the carpet, but it won’t take time to discover what lies beneath the carpet.

我是有点崩溃了。我和我的哥哥(表哥)关系很好,我感觉麻木了,他知道我喜欢他。他比我大3岁(比我成熟10岁),对我说了几句话:你想用地毯盖住地板上的洞吗?有些人可能喜欢地毯,但花不了多长时间就会发现地毯下面藏着什么。

Life goes on, I had my own journey in purusing “degrees” and “success”, moved to a city away from family. Next incident was when I met a woman in a trek. I was 27, she was around 29. We got together very well. We kept meeting many a times. Well, very frankly I grew feeling for her, same for her. When you reach certain age, often you do not need to formally “propose”, things happen. Our common meeting point used to be some local coffee shop or some market places/mall etc. Once she said she always wanted to visit a restaurant (one of the most expensive restaurants in the city). I told her it is not where we should go, Rs. 5000 for a couple’s dinner is just unreasonable. We had a bad fight that night. Now it was “my” income which could sponsor “our” dinner, not “her” income. She was earning peanuts from some NGO, I was fine she told me her wish, but Rs. 5000 was perhaps the grocery expense back then at my hometown for a family of 7. I used to send ~Rs. 35-40k per month to my mom and I knew my brother maintained a Rs. 20k recurring account on her name, that’s how I grew up. They still live a simple, humble life when they have their decently running business run by one son and a well earning another. The relation did not go well for long, she once told me: No one is going to marry a chindi (cheap) like you, ever. I was like, “Let it be”, in my mind.

生活还在继续,我开始了自己的追求“学位”和“成功”的旅程,搬到一个远离家人的城市。接下来的事情是我在一次徒步旅行中遇到一个女人。我27岁,她29岁。我们相处得很好。我们见了好几次面。坦白地说,我对她的感情也与日俱增。当你到了一定年龄,通常你不需要正式“求婚”,事情就会发生。我们的聚会地点曾经是当地的一些咖啡店或一些市场/商场等。有一次她说她一直想去一家餐馆(城里最昂贵的餐馆之一)。我告诉她这不是我们应该去的地方,5000卢比的情侣晚餐是不合理的。那天晚上我们吵得很凶。现在,我们“晚餐”靠的是“我”的收入,而不是“她”的收入。她从一些非政府组织那里挣取微薄的收入,我很开心她告诉我她的愿望,但是5000卢比可能是我家乡一个7口之家的伙食费。我过去常发短信。我每月给我妈妈每月3.5-4万,我知道我哥哥给我妈保持2万卢比的账户余额,我就是这样长大的。当一个儿子体面地经营着自己的生意,而另一个儿子则收入颇丰时,他们仍然过着简朴、卑微的生活。这段关系并没有维持多久,她曾经告诉我,没有人会嫁给你这样小气的人。我的脑子里想的就是:“随便吧”。

2 years down the line I got married, an arraged marriage, of parent’s choice, a housewife. She is perhaps not “strong and empowered” as per modern feminism, Karva Chauth to Shivratri, she follows every ritual for her atheist husband. She does not speak English too well. But on the other hand she is a very good dancer. She teaches dance to many little girls in our society. Our flat appreared too small to accommodate so many students. So we rented a hall-room nearby, at times she complains “Is it really worth to rent a hall? What we are getting back is not enough, isn’t?” Everytime I hear that, I just give her a hug, and feel really really happy from inside. I married the RIGHT person.

两年后,我结婚了,一场包办婚姻,父母替我挑选的对象,一个家庭主妇。按照现代女权主义的说法,她也许并不“强大”,从Karva Chauth到Shivratri,她为她无神论的丈夫遵循每一个仪式。她英语说得不太好。但另一方面,她是一个很好的舞者。她教我们社区里许多小女孩跳舞。我们的公寓太小,容纳不了这么多学生。于是我们在附近租了一间大厅,有时她会抱怨说:“租一个大厅真的值得吗?”我们赚到的还不够多,不是吗?“每次听到这个,我就给她一个拥抱,内心真的真的很开心。”我找对人了。

Hope I explained who are getting “married” who are not. I know if I lose job, if I lose my limb, this woman is going to be by my side. Most women, who are not getting married, are perhaps approaching/getting approached by wrong partners, nothing else. I don’t know whereabouts of my college crush or my ex-girlfriend, it is just they got approached by a wrong mate here in the incidents I described. Our outlook towards life was entirely different, that’s it, nothing else.

希望我能解释谁能“结婚”谁不能结婚。我知道如果我失去了工作,如果我失去了四肢,这个女人还会留在我身边。大多数没有结婚的女人,可能遇人不淑,没有别的。我不知道我的大学恋人或我的前女友的近况,只是他们不幸遇到了错的对象。我们对生活的看法完全不同,仅此而已。

 

Bhumika, lives in India

I will mention 3 points.

  • A well educated girl from IIT/IIM/AIIMS, is not being accepted by many families.

一个毕业于印度理工学院、印度管理学院、全印度医学研究院受过良好教育的女孩,不被许多家庭所接受。

Many family still don’t want a working women, especially when girls are earning more than boys. The mother in laws want a woman who can stay home and take care of the boy’s family.

许多家庭还是不喜欢职业女性,尤其是当女孩比男孩挣得多的时候。婆婆更喜欢一个可以待在家里照顾孩子家庭的女人。

  • Bollywood has ruined the meaning of love and marriage.

宝莱坞毁了爱情和婚姻的意义。

Every girl these days dream of handsome Raj who would sweep the girl off her feet, or a rich Rohit who is the CEO of his fathers business or a happy-go-lucky Bunny who wants nothing but adventure. Very few are okay to settle with Surinder from Rab ne bana Di Jodi.

如今,每个女孩都幻想着能把女孩迷得神魂颠倒英俊的拉杰;能成为父亲企业的首席执行官有钱的罗希特或者除了冒险,什么都不在意额随遇而安逍遥自在的邦尼。

  • Increased awareness amongst both the gender.

性别意识在增强。

Boys are aware of some girls who can be gold-diggers and who also might charge boys of false rape and dowry case. Hence, they have become very cautious. Similarly, girls are aware about the boys who pretend to be open minded and gentlemen-like but post marriage reveal their true colours in the form of domestic violence, alcohol addiction etc. Girls are aware than before and they are not willing to take uncalculated risk.

男孩们知道有些女孩可能是拜金主义者,也可能以捏造强奸和嫁妆的罪名起诉男孩。因此,他们变得非常谨慎。同样,女孩们也意识到那些假装开明、具有绅士风度的男孩们,但婚后会通过家庭暴力、酗酒等形式暴露了他们的本色。

 

Shalini Khandpur, lives in India

I was talking to a woman I had interacted with in relation to work recently. We were discussing a job opportunity for her which involved change of location. Being In hr I have to ask questions related to family and a person's willingness to relocate in case it is required.

我和最近在工作中接触到的一位女士谈话。我们在讨论她的工作机会,涉及到工作地点的变更。作为人力资源部的工作员工,我必须问她一些与家庭有关的问题,以及一个人是否愿意在必要时调动工作。

She had mentioned in her profile that she was single. Her age 38yrs salary 40lakhs per annum. Having interacted with her 3–4 times we had become very open and chatty. She mentioned that her family is after her to get married.

她在个人资料中提到她是单身。她38岁,年薪400万卢比。和她互动了3-4次之后,我们变得非常坦诚和健谈。她提到她的家人想要她结婚。

The major hurdle was that everyone wants the husband to earn more. Now this in her case narrows her prospects a lot as she is on a very high salary.

主要的障碍是每个人都希望丈夫赚得更多。对她来说,她的选择面少了很多,因为她本身薪水就很高。

Despite the woman earning really well she is expected to take bullshit from all the in laws (her wordings). Also she will be required to behave in a certain daughter in law kind of way. Cook, clean and manage the house plus earn too and then to be expected to stay at home on weekends etc. Basically catering to everybody else's whims.

尽管这个女人挣得很多,夫家成员还是会对她指指点点(她的话)。她还会被要求履行媳妇的职责:做饭、打扫、打理房子,还要挣钱,周末还得呆在家里等等。基本上都是为了迎合别人的喜好。

And believe me more often than not…not one single person in the in laws family even gives a thought about what she might want or need that's how the Indian marriages work.

相信我,在姻亲家庭中绝没有一个人想过她想要什么或者需要什么,这就是印度婚姻。

Though the above example cannot be taken as a parameter yet it is increasingly becoming the difference between the aspirations of the girls versus the expectations of the boys families.

虽然上面的例子不能作为一个指标,但它正日益成为女孩的期望和男孩家庭的期望之间的差距。

Looking around I realize though (before you start shouting pseudo feminist etc) that the marriage dynamics are changing. Women want more independence since they are earning. They are no longer dependent on their husband financially. But somehow men and their families on the other hand are still not able to digest the fact that women can also have aspirations.

环顾四周,我意识到(在你大喊伪女权主义之前)结婚的动力正在改变。女人想要更多的独立,因为她们自己也能赚钱。他们在经济上不再依赖丈夫。但是,从另一方面来说,男人和他们的家庭仍然不能理解女人也有抱负志向这一事实。

They are still stuck in the patriarchal way of expectations.

他们仍然停留在家长制的期望中。

The gap between the reality and the actual expectations has widened. Women studies are going higher and thus converting into higher salaries.

现实与实际预期之间的差距扩大了。妇女学业成就正在提高,从而转化为更高的工资。

I have many examples around me of girls not marrying at a young age..many of them marry well into their thirties, some don't get married at all .my Though this is all more urban life specific.They want to enjoy life and take their time to take this decision.

我身边有很多女孩年轻时不结婚的例子。他们中的许多人到了三十多岁也嫁的很好,有些人根本就不结婚。他们想要享受生活,花时间去做这个决定。

I also see their parents extending support to them on this matter too. It is high time the though process of the society is changed.. liberalized.

我也看到他们的父母也在这件事上支持她们。社会也该变得自由一些了。

 

Anonymous

These days most of the Indian girls hardly want a boy. Sorry to say that. They want a puppet or a machine full of money. They want a robotic boring atm machine these days.

现在大多数印度女孩都不想要男孩。不好意思这么说。他们想要一个木偶或装满钱的机器。现在他们想要一台机器镗孔的自动取款机。

I can remember a very precious quote :” boys date women. But women date lifestyles, not boys.”

我记得有一句非常珍贵的话:“男孩和女人约会。但是女人约会的是生活方式,而不是男孩。”

The quote is harsh truth now. They will enquire your salary, what you eat daily, what you wear daily, which company's underwear you wear, how many cars and two storied buildings with a.c. you can have, how many candle light dinners in a month you can offer her, how many gifts you can offer her, how much money you can spend on her beautification,dress,fashion and style statement, how many servants you would offer to remove her stress of doing household activities etc.

这句话现在是残酷的事实。她们会询问你的薪水,你每天吃什么,你每天穿什么,穿哪个牌子的内衣,有几部车子和两层装了空调的楼房,一个月会带她吃几顿烛光晚餐,你可以给她多少礼物,你可以为她的打扮,连衣裙,时尚花多少钱,你能请多少仆人帮她分担家务活的压力等。

Girls have so many demands these days that it’s impossible sometimes to satisfy them. And then they would go behind drunk, rich and indiscipline atm cards, sorry Boys.

现在女孩们有太多的要求,有时要满足她们是不可能的。然后她们会去找那些醉醺醺的,有钱的,不守纪律的自动提款卡,对不起,男孩们。

So that's why I always advice boys to be independent. Have you seen Indian army? They fight and they cook too. Learn cooking. Do whatever you want if a girl loves you or if a girl is selected for you by your parents, try to know the pros and cons of relationship, if they can judge you you should judge her too but by activity.

这就是为什么我总是建议男孩们要独立。你见过印度军队吗?他们战斗,也做饭。学习烹饪。如果一个女孩爱你,或者一个女孩是由你的父母为你挑选的,试着了解关系的利弊,如果她们能判断你,你也应该判断她,但要通过行动。

If you can not marry then do not marry. There is a new world believe me! Much simpler and much more enjoyable than dating or marrying a girl. Personally speaking I have plenty of hobbies along with reading books such as drawing, singing, animation, playing instruments, gaming, travelling, seeing stars and planets through telescope etc. So if they ditch you remember that the disloyal people don't deserve you, they can not afford diamonds every time despite being rich in money because they are poor from heart.

如果你不能结婚,那就不要结婚。会有一个新世界在等你的,相信我!比约会或和女孩结婚简单多了。就个人来说,我有很多爱好和阅读书籍如绘画、唱歌、动画、弹奏乐器、游戏、旅行,通过望远镜看到恒星和行星等。如果他们抛弃你,记住不忠的人配不上你,就算有钱,他们也不可能每次都买得起钻石,因为他们有着可怜的心。

 

Rashmi Math, Engineering from Visvesvaraya Technological University

Woah! This is an interesting question with wonderful answers. I guess Most of the answers are from own experience. However, I feel this applies to men as well. In India, WE as in both men n women get so many options to choose from but finding that ONE who can make our life better is a biggest challeng. Not just in India but across the globe.

哇!这是一个有趣的问题,也有很好的答案。我想大部分的答案都来自自己的经验。然而,我觉得这也适用于男性。在印度,无论男女,我们都有很多选择,但要找到一个能让我们的生活更美好的人是最大的挑战。不仅在印度,而且在全世界。

 

Nidhi Rajput, lives in India

I live in a society where people spattere Men’s side for high DOWRY and other demands.

我生活在这样一个社会里,人们站在男人这一边,提出高昂的嫁妆和其他要求。

But as a girl, when I look around I observe and we can't ignore Girl's list of demands. Isn't it?

但作为一个女孩,当我环顾四周,我观察,我们不能忽视女孩的要求清单。不是吗?

If a Guy wants high Dowry, Girl too wants an ATM machine which works for lifetime. Either it's for the security or for future of their kids, but they expect.

如果一个男人想要昂贵的嫁妆,女孩也想要一台可以终身使用的自动取款机。要么是为了孩子的安全,要么是为了孩子的未来,但她们希望如此。

If a Guy wants fair and sexy lady, Girl too expects good looking handsome husband. Of course, she loves when someone praises her spouse.

如果一个男人想要漂亮性感的女人,女孩也希望有英俊帅气的丈夫。当然,她喜欢别人称赞她的伴侣。

If a Guy expects virgin wife, Girl too dream about her spouse from a reputed family and good background.

如果一个男人想娶处女为妻,女孩也会幻想她的配偶来自有名望的家庭和良好的背景。

Along with these things how can she ignore LOVE?

除了这些事情,她怎么能忽视爱情呢?

Not every girl loves Play boys. A few may dream future when they fall in love, no matter how they'll have to tackle the hurdles waiting in their ways. Their love is love not lust.

不是每个女孩都喜欢玩弄男孩。一些人在恋爱时可能会梦想着未来,不管她们将如何克服等待着她们的障碍。他们的爱就是爱而不是欲望。

Last but not the least, “No matter how smart they think they're in love. Parents always have the last choice.” They think her choice isn't reliable. So, sometimes It becomes difficult for her to deny them.

最后一点,也是非常重要的一点,“不管他们认为在恋爱种自己有多聪明。父母总是有最后的选择。”他们认为她的选择不可靠。所以,有时候她很难否认它们。

 

Kishan Kant

As someone said the type 2 girls or unicorn whom you want to take home to meet your parents whom you want to marry whom u want to be loyal as a penguin all your life till you die .

就像有人说的两种女孩或者你想带回家见你父母的独角兽,你想和他结婚,你想像企鹅一样一辈子忠诚,直到生命终结的那一天。

India the parents are raising up girls as a son in 1970/80 because many have only single daughters so pampered royally .

在印度,1970年到1980年父母们把女儿当儿子养,因为许多人只有独生女儿,养尊处优。

Don’t expect her to live with your parents , Instead you may have to stay with hers . You have to earn a lot , have your house , She will not work , You will have to share house work also and even give time to kids . Take her out for vacation .

不要指望她和你的父母住在一起,相反,你可能不得不和她住在一起。你必须赚很多钱,有你的房子,她不会工作,你必须分担家务,甚至花时间照顾孩子们。带她出去度假。

And if she ends up sleeping with someone , it will be all your fault because you ignored her trying to earn money to buy her a house a vacation a car etc etc .

如果她最终和别人上床,那都是你的错,因为你努力挣钱给她买房子,度假,汽车等等,忽略了她。

And please beware of sec 498A , its a very deadly thing in the cities .

请注意498A号法案,这在城市里是非常致命的。

Best is try to sign a prenup before you marry . Both the boy and girl will be very happy and separate peacefully after enjoying for a few years .

最好是在结婚前签一份婚前协议。男孩和女孩在很开心地享受了几年之后,都会很平静的分开。

In the current lifestyle which we live marriage are not meant to last , they are meant to break and they usually do break .

在我们目前的生活方式中,婚姻并不是注定要持续下去的,他们注定要分手,而且他们通常会分手。

The guys are also responsible for cheating by sleeping with colleagues in office

这些家伙还会和办公室的同事滚床单出轨。

as are the pampered girls . Kids are the worst sufferers in all this stupidity.

娇生惯养的女孩也是如此。孩子是所有这些愚蠢行为中最糟糕的受害者。

A suggestion to parents , Better a guy/girl you know , a family you know , a boy/girl you have seen growing up in your neighborhood , then a guy/girl from a far off place with unknown background check .

我对父母们的建议是,最好找一个你认识的男孩/女孩,一个你认识的家庭,一个你在你家附近见过的男孩/女孩,而不要选一个来自遥远地方,背景不明的男孩/女孩。

 

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