Why are many girls in India not getting a man to marry?
来源：三泰虎 http://www.santaihu.com/45917.html 译者：Joyceliu
Shrinivasan S, Interested in People and Places
I see dozens of answers here, most are just whining, a few very genuine personal takes on the issue which come very close to but don't address the problem completely.
First to solve a problem, we need to properly define it and find its root causes-
This question will specifically answer why middle class girls in India (and even boys) are finding it difficult to get married, the poor do not have this issue, the rich also don't, the very successful also do not have it. It's the average/above average/below average middle classes, mostly urban, English educated who specifically have this problem. Though in the coming decade or so it is going to permeate and percolate downwards and upwards and infect almost all strata of society, the coming cataclysmic collapse will be something never seen, heard or read.
Most of it is explained by the red pill which gives the only truthful solution to diverse and complex issues such as - evolutionary biology, sexual dimorphism, feminism, hypergamy, why socialism rose in the west and many of the rest, why the state (read: government) is replacing the traditional role of the husband in the west and trying to in the rest and many other questions.
Anujit Ganguly, lives in Kolkata, West Bengal, India
I don't know weather I am eligible to answer it or not, but being a 20years old male, I know a lot of girls of my age group and their mentality. This answer can be related to almost 40% of the girls.
Let's take a girl, G1, aged 20, good looking, below average in academics throughout her life, supportive parents with a bit of conservative nature.
She is getting a lot of attention and love proposals from men above her age, her classmates and her ex-classmates. Now she takes all these for granted, she thinks it will continue for a very long time i.e., atleast for 40 years of age. But the truth is, it doesn't. It hardly continues upto her 30s. Now when she don't get the type of attention, she realizes her fault and agrees to marry someone. Initially the demands are sky high, like boy must be 6feet tall, must a CEO or IAS or Commercial Pilot, etc. None of the boys who are bachelor and above 30, who falls under her criteria gives a shit to her choices and she don't get any response. This adds more or less 5 years to her age. Most of the men are either married or so successful that they can get their dream girl so why go for G1. Now, if G1 is extremely lucky, she gets a man else joins any pseudo feminist group and bangs about their achievements.
Let's take another girl G2, good looking, excellent academics, still same story, so much attention in young age and none after 30. Well she has some chance to get married if she cuts some of the useless demands put by G1. Well in this case, her education is saving her.
Now, I am sorry for the construction of the answer as most honest answers can't be formed to please everyone.
Comment box is yours, you are free to write whatever you want.
First incident from my college: Third year, walked upto her and proposed her. She laughed and told me: Before proposing next time, wear good clothes and change your specs, no one is going to say “Yes” to you. Trust me, I am your well wisher and you can get a much prettier girl than me.
I was bit broken. I am very close to my brother (cousin), I was feeling numb, he knew about my crush. He, 3 years older (10 years more matured) than me, told me few lines: Do you want a carpet to cover holes in your floor? Some people may love the carpet, but it won’t take time to discover what lies beneath the carpet.
Life goes on, I had my own journey in purusing “degrees” and “success”, moved to a city away from family. Next incident was when I met a woman in a trek. I was 27, she was around 29. We got together very well. We kept meeting many a times. Well, very frankly I grew feeling for her, same for her. When you reach certain age, often you do not need to formally “propose”, things happen. Our common meeting point used to be some local coffee shop or some market places/mall etc. Once she said she always wanted to visit a restaurant (one of the most expensive restaurants in the city). I told her it is not where we should go, Rs. 5000 for a couple’s dinner is just unreasonable. We had a bad fight that night. Now it was “my” income which could sponsor “our” dinner, not “her” income. She was earning peanuts from some NGO, I was fine she told me her wish, but Rs. 5000 was perhaps the grocery expense back then at my hometown for a family of 7. I used to send ~Rs. 35-40k per month to my mom and I knew my brother maintained a Rs. 20k recurring account on her name, that’s how I grew up. They still live a simple, humble life when they have their decently running business run by one son and a well earning another. The relation did not go well for long, she once told me: No one is going to marry a chindi (cheap) like you, ever. I was like, “Let it be”, in my mind.
2 years down the line I got married, an arraged marriage, of parent’s choice, a housewife. She is perhaps not “strong and empowered” as per modern feminism, Karva Chauth to Shivratri, she follows every ritual for her atheist husband. She does not speak English too well. But on the other hand she is a very good dancer. She teaches dance to many little girls in our society. Our flat appreared too small to accommodate so many students. So we rented a hall-room nearby, at times she complains “Is it really worth to rent a hall? What we are getting back is not enough, isn’t?” Everytime I hear that, I just give her a hug, and feel really really happy from inside. I married the RIGHT person.
Hope I explained who are getting “married” who are not. I know if I lose job, if I lose my limb, this woman is going to be by my side. Most women, who are not getting married, are perhaps approaching/getting approached by wrong partners, nothing else. I don’t know whereabouts of my college crush or my ex-girlfriend, it is just they got approached by a wrong mate here in the incidents I described. Our outlook towards life was entirely different, that’s it, nothing else.
Bhumika, lives in India
I will mention 3 points.
- A well educated girl from IIT/IIM/AIIMS, is not being accepted by many families.
Many family still don’t want a working women, especially when girls are earning more than boys. The mother in laws want a woman who can stay home and take care of the boy’s family.
- Bollywood has ruined the meaning of love and marriage.
Every girl these days dream of handsome Raj who would sweep the girl off her feet, or a rich Rohit who is the CEO of his fathers business or a happy-go-lucky Bunny who wants nothing but adventure. Very few are okay to settle with Surinder from Rab ne bana Di Jodi.
- Increased awareness amongst both the gender.
Boys are aware of some girls who can be gold-diggers and who also might charge boys of false rape and dowry case. Hence, they have become very cautious. Similarly, girls are aware about the boys who pretend to be open minded and gentlemen-like but post marriage reveal their true colours in the form of domestic violence, alcohol addiction etc. Girls are aware than before and they are not willing to take uncalculated risk.
Shalini Khandpur, lives in India
I was talking to a woman I had interacted with in relation to work recently. We were discussing a job opportunity for her which involved change of location. Being In hr I have to ask questions related to family and a person's willingness to relocate in case it is required.
She had mentioned in her profile that she was single. Her age 38yrs salary 40lakhs per annum. Having interacted with her 3–4 times we had become very open and chatty. She mentioned that her family is after her to get married.
The major hurdle was that everyone wants the husband to earn more. Now this in her case narrows her prospects a lot as she is on a very high salary.
Despite the woman earning really well she is expected to take bullshit from all the in laws (her wordings). Also she will be required to behave in a certain daughter in law kind of way. Cook, clean and manage the house plus earn too and then to be expected to stay at home on weekends etc. Basically catering to everybody else's whims.
And believe me more often than not…not one single person in the in laws family even gives a thought about what she might want or need that's how the Indian marriages work.
Though the above example cannot be taken as a parameter yet it is increasingly becoming the difference between the aspirations of the girls versus the expectations of the boys families.
Looking around I realize though (before you start shouting pseudo feminist etc) that the marriage dynamics are changing. Women want more independence since they are earning. They are no longer dependent on their husband financially. But somehow men and their families on the other hand are still not able to digest the fact that women can also have aspirations.
They are still stuck in the patriarchal way of expectations.
The gap between the reality and the actual expectations has widened. Women studies are going higher and thus converting into higher salaries.
I have many examples around me of girls not marrying at a young age..many of them marry well into their thirties, some don't get married at all .my Though this is all more urban life specific.They want to enjoy life and take their time to take this decision.
I also see their parents extending support to them on this matter too. It is high time the though process of the society is changed.. liberalized.
These days most of the Indian girls hardly want a boy. Sorry to say that. They want a puppet or a machine full of money. They want a robotic boring atm machine these days.
I can remember a very precious quote :” boys date women. But women date lifestyles, not boys.”
The quote is harsh truth now. They will enquire your salary, what you eat daily, what you wear daily, which company's underwear you wear, how many cars and two storied buildings with a.c. you can have, how many candle light dinners in a month you can offer her, how many gifts you can offer her, how much money you can spend on her beautification,dress,fashion and style statement, how many servants you would offer to remove her stress of doing household activities etc.
Girls have so many demands these days that it’s impossible sometimes to satisfy them. And then they would go behind drunk, rich and indiscipline atm cards, sorry Boys.
So that's why I always advice boys to be independent. Have you seen Indian army? They fight and they cook too. Learn cooking. Do whatever you want if a girl loves you or if a girl is selected for you by your parents, try to know the pros and cons of relationship, if they can judge you you should judge her too but by activity.
If you can not marry then do not marry. There is a new world believe me! Much simpler and much more enjoyable than dating or marrying a girl. Personally speaking I have plenty of hobbies along with reading books such as drawing, singing, animation, playing instruments, gaming, travelling, seeing stars and planets through telescope etc. So if they ditch you remember that the disloyal people don't deserve you, they can not afford diamonds every time despite being rich in money because they are poor from heart.
Rashmi Math, Engineering from Visvesvaraya Technological University
Woah! This is an interesting question with wonderful answers. I guess Most of the answers are from own experience. However, I feel this applies to men as well. In India, WE as in both men n women get so many options to choose from but finding that ONE who can make our life better is a biggest challeng. Not just in India but across the globe.
Nidhi Rajput, lives in India
I live in a society where people spattere Men’s side for high DOWRY and other demands.
But as a girl, when I look around I observe and we can't ignore Girl's list of demands. Isn't it?
If a Guy wants high Dowry, Girl too wants an ATM machine which works for lifetime. Either it's for the security or for future of their kids, but they expect.
If a Guy wants fair and sexy lady, Girl too expects good looking handsome husband. Of course, she loves when someone praises her spouse.
If a Guy expects virgin wife, Girl too dream about her spouse from a reputed family and good background.
Along with these things how can she ignore LOVE?
Not every girl loves Play boys. A few may dream future when they fall in love, no matter how they'll have to tackle the hurdles waiting in their ways. Their love is love not lust.
Last but not the least, “No matter how smart they think they're in love. Parents always have the last choice.” They think her choice isn't reliable. So, sometimes It becomes difficult for her to deny them.
As someone said the type 2 girls or unicorn whom you want to take home to meet your parents whom you want to marry whom u want to be loyal as a penguin all your life till you die .
India the parents are raising up girls as a son in 1970/80 because many have only single daughters so pampered royally .
Don’t expect her to live with your parents , Instead you may have to stay with hers . You have to earn a lot , have your house , She will not work , You will have to share house work also and even give time to kids . Take her out for vacation .
And if she ends up slee with someone , it will be all your fault because you ignored her trying to earn money to buy her a house a vacation a car etc etc .
And please beware of sec 498A , its a very deadly thing in the cities .
Best is try to sign a prenup before you marry . Both the boy and girl will be very happy and separate peacefully after enjoying for a few years .
In the current lifestyle which we live marriage are not meant to last , they are meant to break and they usually do break .
The guys are also responsible for cheating by slee with colleagues in office
as are the pampered girls . Kids are the worst sufferers in all this stupidity.
A suggestion to parents , Better a guy/girl you know , a family you know , a boy/girl you have seen growing up in your neighborhood , then a guy/girl from a far off place with unknown background check .