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中国新娘在日本:给自己的人生下了一次赌注

2015-06-15 14:42 222个评论 字号:

 

故乡,对于这些取得日本国籍的中国新娘而言,有着更为复杂的体验。王梓还记得十九年前第一次回国时,满怀激动地扑下飞机,“以为全国人民都张开怀抱拥抱我这个海外游子的归来”,可海关的小伙子脸色却像秋风扫落叶一样翻看着她的护照说:“日本人,那边排队去。”

外文标题:China’s Brides in Japan: ‘I Was Gambling on Life’
外文地址:http://defence.pk/threads/chinas-brides-in-japan-i-was-gambling-on-life.380772/

日本网民Nihonjin1051在论坛贴了以下英文内容

Li Aiping, a Chinese woman from northeast China’s Heilongjiang Province, heard from her Japanese friend that marriages between Chinese women and Japanese men tend to be unstable, with one in three such marriages failing.

As a mother of two children, Li felt lucky that she was among the remaining two thirds, although her marriage was not always plain sailing—there were times when she had left home to stay with her aunt in Tokyo, a war orphan who went back to Japan in the early 1990s.

Marriages between Japanese and Chinese citizens have been the most common type of cross-border unions in Japan since 1996. According to statistics from the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, marriages between Chinese and Japanese exceeded 10,000 for the first time in 2000, accounting for a third of the country’s total cross-border weddings. The number of Chinese (mostly women) who acquired Permanent Residence status as the spouse of a Japanese person has surged from less than 30,000 in 1993 to 100,000 in 2008. Meanwhile, the divorce rate for Japanese-Chinese marriages has remained as high as 40 percent since 2003.

A Bet on Life

Recalling her marriage decision 15 years ago, Li said, “It was like making a bet on my life. Luckily I won.”

In 1999, 24-year-old Li broke up with her ex-boyfriend, a descendent of Japanese war orphans, before he moved to Japan. The boyfriend’s mother refused to accept her on the grounds that she was impoverished and had many brothers and sisters.

Hit by the breakup and out of impulse, she made the decision to marry into a Japanese family. She selected her future husband from the photos and resumes of several Japanese candidates at an intermediary agency for cross-border marriages after paying a fee of 40,000 yuan (U.S. $6,452).

Soon after she married, she had her first child and since then has been a housewife for seven years. She started work at the age of 32 at an electronics factory.

Now she has bought a new apartment for her parents in her hometown and can afford holidays for them to the warm Sanya in south China’s Hainan Province.

In Li’s hometown of Fangzheng County in Heilongjiang, over 200 local women were married to Japanese men each year between 2010-2012. Statistics show remittance from Japan to local families amounted to some 80 million Yen (U.S. $650,000) annually, a major source for relieving these families from poverty.

The Only Choice

With the development of urbanization and the decline in birth rates, Japan has witnessed a decrease in rural populations. Meanwhile, many girls in the rural areas are not willing to marry with village men and have thronged into cities, making it hard for rural men to get married. Faced with the pressures of passing down the family line, they resort to cross-border marriage as the only choice.

Women in Fangzheng enjoy an advantage in finding Japanese spouses due to a large network of Chinese nationals in Japan. “In the eyes of some Japanese, these women, who cannot utter a word of Japanese, marry Japanese farmers for money,” said a Chinese citizen who lives in Japan. In Fangzheng, marrying a Japanese countryside man is also regarded as a “sacrifice of an individual’s happiness for the whole family’s sake.”

“Although such comments are lopsided, what they refer to does exist,” said Wang Hongwei, a girl from Dalian, in northeast China’s Liaoning Province, who married a Japanese man in 2001.

The language barriers and the cultural differences, coupled with the void of love between the spouses, have led to increasing conflicts in the family and eventually divorce, she said.

Shadows from Historical Past

Although Chinese brides living in Japan do not feel much pressure from politics, the historical issues between China and Japan and the national sentiments associated with them are like a seemingly healed wound, leaving a dull pain in unfathomable weathers.

During their daily life, Wang, her family members and friends seldom talk about the historical past between China and Japan. However, whenever her husband got drunk after a gathering with colleagues, he would “apologize again and again.”

When her mother came to Japan, her father-in-law would also apologize. “Then my mum would forgive him” with diplomat-like words such as “this is the issue of the Japanese government. Ordinary Japanese and Chinese always enjoy each other’s friendship.”

“My parents-in-law are also victims of the war,” said Wang. Her mother-in-law lost her step-father and brother-in-law in the war.

Wang’s elder sister Wang Zi, who also married into a family in Sukagawa, Fukushima, could not help but think about the war between China and Japan when she had a big quarrel with her husband. She never shared these feelings with her husband, because “it would hurt his feelings if I said it out loud.”

As accustomed to apologies from family members and friends as her sister, she did not imagine that her son could apologize to her. One day after arriving home from school, her son, in Grade One of junior high school, told her that he studied about the Japanese invasion in China in his textbook. She was surprised. Her son then took out his textbook and showed her the pages, pointing to the facts of wrongdoings that the Japanese had made and expressing his apology.

Whenever Wang Hongwei goes back to China, she tells her son to speak Chinese and not to act like he is from Japan. She herself often stays indoors except when having dates with old friends.

Strangers

For the Chinese brides who have acquired Japanese nationality, homeland is a word associated with complex experiences and feelings. Wang Zi still remembers the first time she went back to China 19 years ago. Excited after landing from the plane and “imagining that my countryman will embrace me with wide arms,” she was told to “stand in the line over there, Japanese,” by the man at the customs after flipping open her passport.

One the eve of the traditional Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival two years ago, when the family watched the moon on their lawns, her daughter quoted a line from “A Tranquil Night” (Jing Ye Si) by Tang Dynasty (AD 618-907) poet Li Bai, which goes “Bowing, in homesickness I’m drowned.” Hearing the verse, her eyes ran over with tears, feeling that the 11-year-old daughter seemed to understand her feelings as a stranger in the country.

She has kept her sister from teaching the kids to read “Spring View” (Chun Wang), a well-known poem by Du Fu of Tang Dynasty on the theme of war-torn land, because “it is too sad.”

以下内容来自钱江晚报(http://qjwb.zjol.com.cn/html/2015-05/27/content_3056476.htm?div=-1)

“15年前我一时冲动,给自己的人生下了一次赌注。”方正新娘李爱萍回首15年的婚姻生活后说,“幸好赌赢了。”

1999年,24岁的李爱萍和前男友分手,心灰意冷。男友是日本战后遗孤的后代,当时即将要移居日本,男方的母亲认为李爱萍家境贫困,兄弟姐妹多,而且没有日语基础,结婚会给儿子的一生造成负担。陷入失恋的打击,李爱萍却心生一念:“既然日本这么好,那我也要去日本。”

于是,李爱萍找到做国际婚介的朋友,支付了4万元人民币中介费,然后,从几个日本男人的照片和简历中选择了现在的日本丈夫。如今,李爱萍已经给父母在方正县买了房,还能让父母在冬天时去海南三亚过冬。

日本友人曾告诉李爱萍,一般来说,日本男人娶中国女人,婚姻很难稳定,每三对夫妻中会有一对离婚。根据日本厚生劳动省的统计,2003年以来,中日跨国婚姻的离婚率高达40%。

李爱萍庆幸自己属于剩下的两对之一,她现在已经是有着两个孩子的母亲。虽然婚姻并非一帆风顺,李爱萍笑道自己曾经多次“离家出走”,投靠住在东京的姑姑,她的姑姑在1990年代初就作为战后遗孤回到日本生活。

李爱萍刚到日本就怀上第一个孩子,做了七年全职家庭主妇,一直到孩子上小学后才重新找工作,当时她已经32岁,开始在电子工厂的流水线上做一些简单的工作。虽然李爱萍到日本后就开始学习日语,还请了台湾人做家教,但她说自己至今未能融入日本社会,只是接受了在日本的生活习惯。

随着日本城市化的发展和出生率不断下降,农村地区人口减少,加之很多农村女孩不愿意再嫁给农民,纷纷涌入城市,日本农村男性面临的结婚难问题愈发严重。日本农村家庭的长子又面临传宗接代的压力,因此迎娶一个外国妻子成为解决问题的唯一办法,跨国婚姻应运而生。

由于历史原因,方正县的女性外嫁日本有着先天的便利——在日本的方正人为数众多,通过人脉介绍,更容易找到合适的日本男性。“在一些日本人眼里,这些一句日语都不会讲的中国女人之所以要下嫁给一个日本乡下男人,就是因为钱。”一位旅日华人说。在方正县,下嫁日本的行为也被说成“牺牲我一个,幸福一家人”。

“这一评价未免片面,但这种现象确实存在。”2001年嫁到日本的大连新娘王宏伟说。王宏伟认为,由于语言障碍和文化差异,加之缺乏感情基础,很多家庭矛盾丛生,最终酿成悲剧。

【战争阴影犹存】

聚餐喝过酒后

日本人就会没完没了地道歉

王宏伟和同在日本福岛县生活的姐姐王梓居住的须贺川市已经是福岛县最大的城市之一,但整个城市里却没有超过十层的楼房,多是两三层高。以至于她们的母亲第一次来到日本后发表结论说:除了东京等几个大城市之外,日本简直就是一个“大农村”。

在这个远离东京的“大农村”里,王梓说自己几乎感受不到右翼势力的影响,也从未因为中国人的身份而受到歧视,但童年时代所接受的对日本人的仇恨教育仍然会像幽灵一般,偶尔飘进她的脑袋里。

尽管王梓自认为已经告别了狭隘的民族主义观念,但直到今天,当她和丈夫吵架吵得厉害时,仍然会不自觉地想:“就他这副嘴脸,要是在侵华战争期间,得杀多少中国人啊。”然后,当年看过的电影或小说里日本人杀中国人的场景就不由自主地浮现出来….。.“太可怕了!”王梓从未将这种感受讲给丈夫听过,因为“说出来太伤人”。

在日常生活中,不管是和家人还是和朋友,双方都很少主动提及中日之间的那段敏感往事,但每当与丈夫的同事聚餐喝过酒后,日本人就会“没完没了地道歉”。王宏伟说,一开始还挺感动的,但后来发现他们“一喝多就道歉,而且问题是天天喝。”

这样的场景也经常发生在家里。一家人坐在榻榻米上小酌之后,公公就开始向儿媳认真地鞠躬道歉,已经坐得双腿麻木的王宏伟也只能毕恭毕敬地鞠躬回礼。

亲家母来日本时,公公也会道歉,“然后我妈就很大度地原谅了他,”王宏伟说,每次,自己的母亲都会像外交官一样告诉对方:“这是过去日本政府的事,咱们都是普通老百姓,咱们之间还是中日友好。”

“其实我公公、婆婆也是战争的受害者。”王宏伟说。婆婆自幼丧父,继父被征兵征走后死在战场,为了能有个顶梁柱撑起家庭,她大姐很快结了婚,但没过多久姐夫同样被征兵后死在外面。因为家境贫寒,学校发的雨鞋她也舍不得穿,光着脚走到学校门口才舍得穿上。

家人和朋友的道歉已经让姐妹俩习以为常,但令人没有想到的是王梓一次面对来自儿子的道歉。有一天,正在读初中一年级的儿子放学回家之后对王梓说:“妈妈,今天我们在教科书里学到,日本侵略中国这件事。”王梓意外地说:“是吗?你们学这个了吗?”

“是的。”儿子从书包中掏出历史教科书,边翻边说:“就这段历史,妈妈你看,那时候日本人对中国做了很多不好的事情,真是对不起。”王梓摸着他的头说:“孩子,你身上有一半也是中国人,你不用跟我道歉。”

回国探亲时,王宏伟会嘱咐两个儿子尽量说中文,让孩子尽量表现得不像日本人,以免被人说成是“小日本鬼子”。她自己除了会会老友,也很少出门,就把自己关在家里待着,“我妈做了好吃的我就吃”。

【低头思故乡】

孩子们背的第一首“汉诗”

就是李白的《静夜思》

故乡,对于这些取得日本国籍的中国新娘而言,有着更为复杂的体验。王梓还记得十九年前第一次回国时,满怀激动地扑下飞机,“以为全国人民都张开怀抱拥抱我这个海外游子的归来”,可海关的小伙子脸色却像秋风扫落叶一样翻看着她的护照说:“日本人,那边排队去。”

在支援会教孩子们学习中文时,孩子们背的第一首“汉诗”(中国古诗在日本统称为汉诗)就是李白的《静夜思》。前年中秋节夜晚,全家人在院子里的草坪上赏月时,王梓的女儿突然用中文缓缓地说出一句“低头思故乡”,没有说其他三句,只说了这一句。那一刻,王梓觉得,11岁的女儿似乎理解了自己作为一个异乡人的感受,顿时热泪盈眶。



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