Q：Will new husband’s family in China care that I’m white?
I’m newly married to a first-gen Chinese immigrant. He and his parents came here when he was young. The fact that I’m white was a serious issue with his mother for years until after we were married. Now she seems to be trying to mellow out.
My husband, in-laws and I are going to visit his family in China. Some of them know he’s married and others don’t. The subject of me being white hasn’t come up over there. So even the relatives who are okay with him being married don’t know that it’s an interracial marriage. It goes without saying that the relatives who don’t know he’s married aren’t likely to be happy about it.
In particular, I think I’m actually expected to somehow tell a particular, very difficult relative about this myself!
I don’t know the attitudes in China. Do you think they’ll be mad that I’m white?
I don’t speak the language and I’m scared they’ll hate me, and it’ll get lost in translation, and I’ll just go on being silly and not realizing how much they hate me. My husband and father in law won’t tell me something like that even if I ask them to.
By the way, I’m 5’8″. Is that freakish in China? I kind of dwarf my husband. I’m also like, 30F, something even Americans can hardly believe… I’ve always thought it made me look fat. I’m afraid of getting pointed and laughed at without even realizing it…
Please tell me any tips you have about fitting in in China, and any concerns I should or should not have. Thanks.
Best Answer（Asker’s Choice）
He married you because he loves you, no matter how his family may feel about that decision. So you need to hold on to that fact and remember why you married him. With that being said, I think the best thing you can do in this circumstance is learn the customs of his family and the Chinese and do your very best to follow their customs while you are visiting his family is THEIR country. They may not be happy about his union but showing your respect to their culture and custom may make the marriage easier to accept.
Great answer! When it comes down to it, the question is about feelings. Thanks for addressing them =) My husband’s feelings won’t change, and that’s all that really matters. I’ll do my best to show regard to his family and remember that it won’t be the same as regarding my own. Thanks again!
It’s very common in Chinese ethnic culture that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dont normally get along great, doesnt matter what race the daughter-in-law is.
Sons are very important in Chinese family, they are treated as kings and babies forever by the parents. Many Chinese moms feel that their beloved boy is being “robbed” away by another woman, which causes jealousy and discomfort.
Whenever you’re with your husband’s family, try not to get too close with your husband physically ie hugging/kissing, touching shoulder/back or even holding hands. These gestures may cause jealousy of your mother-in-law.
Your husband too has to be cautious about his mother’s sensitive feeling, especially at the beginning, ie when having a meal together, it’s better that he serves his mother first followed by you.
It will take time, may be years for her to accept the fact that she is now “sharing” her son with another woman.
Mai In Disguise With Diamonds
It’s your husband ‘s responsibility to inform them and prepare the way for you
Pete – #SonHeungMinFan
Don’t worry. Chinese men are meant to be with white women. They will embrace it.
Hi, no they will love it, Chinese men see white women as a conquest.
Unfortunately, according to USA statistics, Asian husband/white wife couples have higher divorce rates.